1
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:37,256
Hello, kiddies. You're just in
time for your driving lesson.

2
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:41,601
Today we'll be learning
about scare-allel parking

3
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:44,695
and the right way to look
behind when hacking up.

4
00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:49,510
But first, I thought we'd go
over a few common hand signals.

5
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:53,737
This, of course, means
you're turning right.

6
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:56,443
And this means
you're turning left.

7
00:01:56,883 --> 00:01:58,215
And this means...

8
00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:07,524
Slow down, it's time to
watch <i>Tales from the Crypt.</i>

9
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:14,595
Tonight's moving violation
concerns a disk jockey

10
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:18,571
who's so cutting-edge,
he may lose his chop.

11
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,734
I call it "In The Groove."

12
00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:27,670
Oh, baby, you're so hot.

13
00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:31,413
You're on fire, you're steam.

14
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:35,818
I'm gonna take your shoe
off. Is that okay? Can I do that?

15
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:37,653
Okay.

16
00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:43,295
Only two kinds of girls wear red
shoes and you ain't no Spanish dancer.

17
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,194
You know what
you're doing to me?

18
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:53,136
And now I think the stocking.

19
00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:58,742
Yeah. Baby, you've got the
most beautiful legs, but I...

20
00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:01,746
I bet you hear that
all the time, don't you?

21
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:04,474
Well, sometimes.

22
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:11,552
Sometimes? Yeah, right.

23
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,693
Why don't you stand up?

24
00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:21,128
I want you out of that
skirt, you nasty little girl.

25
00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:32,210
God, you look so
good in that G-string.

26
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,613
I don't wear G-strings.

27
00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:43,682
Okay, what kind of
panties do you wear?

28
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,722
You know, regular ones.

29
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,158
Fine, whatever.

30
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:56,837
I don't think I want
to do this anymore.

31
00:03:58,638 --> 00:03:59,638
Fine.

32
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:04,608
Maybe one of our listeners has a
fantasy that's more to your liking.

33
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,909
So, okay, out there, Lancaster,

34
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:10,140
the lovely Carla is waiting to hear
from you. Let's go to the phones.

35
00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:13,153
The number here is 555-1234.

36
00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:20,785
What, did somebody drop
a bomb on you people?

37
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:25,060
Hello, Lancaster, are
you out there? Come in.

38
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:32,095
Or maybe you bumpkins just haven't
figured out how to use a telephone yet.

39
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:35,133
Screw all of you.

40
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,803
<i>This has been another
fun filled excursion</i>

41
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,938
<i>on</i> Gary's Drive Time Desires,

42
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:42,847
<i>the show that gets
you up in the morning.</i>

43
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,416
All right, I'm outta here.
Enough fun for today.

44
00:04:46,486 --> 00:04:49,479
Hank Bodine is up next.
Hey, there's a good time.

45
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:55,818
Thanks for nothing, sweetheart. That
was even more boring than sex with my ex.

46
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:57,023
Come on, let's go.

47
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,508
- Does this mean it's over?
- Yeah, it's over.

48
00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:01,161
Get the hell outta here and don't
listen to my radio show anymore.

49
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:04,398
I never listen to your radio
show. Where's my $10, buddy?

50
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:05,845
What're you talking about?

51
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:07,049
Get outta here
before I call security.

52
00:05:07,073 --> 00:05:09,474
Oh, hey, listen. You're the
one who asked me to be here!

53
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,903
- Get outta here, you big old nasty...
- You're such a geek!

54
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,141
- You're a geek!
- Halloween special!

55
00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:17,415
- You know, I'm gonna get my $10.
- Don't come back!

56
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:22,581
- Jesus, you believe that chick?
- Security? Like you need it.

57
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:25,852
Up yours, pal. What'd
you get last quarter?

58
00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:28,828
Thirty share. What'd
you get, mama's boy?

59
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:39,066
Not a 30 share.
Not even a 30 share.

60
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:42,200
- I want him fired.
- You're the one I wish I could fire.

61
00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:46,109
I just got off the phone with
the only sponsor you had left.

62
00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:51,545
- Hendrix Auto Body walked?
- Hendrix Auto Body ran.

63
00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:55,585
I'm moving Hank to drive
time. Shifting you to graveyard.

64
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,326
What? You can't
shift me to graveyard!

65
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:02,191
Hey, listen, every second you're
on the air, this station loses money.

66
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:04,207
And if your ratings don't
improve in your first week,

67
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:06,530
I am cutting you
down to half an hour.

68
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,978
- You don't have the authority to do that.
- It's all in the will.

69
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:12,837
No, Mom left us the station 50-50.
I can do whatever the hell I want.

70
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:17,207
Read the fine print. I make
the corporate decisions, not you.

71
00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:21,112
You think mom was stupid? God.

72
00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:27,421
God, if that woman
were alive, I'd kill her!

73
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:28,887
Show some respect.

74
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:32,354
By the way, you won't be
alone in your new time slot.

75
00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:35,361
- I've decided to partner you with someone.
- What?

76
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:37,693
She's a fan of yours,
if you can believe that.

77
00:06:37,764 --> 00:06:39,426
Been bugging me for months.

78
00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:44,897
- I don't want a partner.
- It's not a question of want.

79
00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:50,637
Gary, this is Valerie Cardoza.

80
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,637
Valerie, meet Gary Grover.

81
00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:55,773
It's a pleasure to
finally meet you.

82
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:58,817
I've been a fan of yours
since your Pittsburgh days.

83
00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:02,684
- I went to college there.
- I'm warning you, don't do this.

84
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:07,920
Gary, your material sucks.

85
00:07:08,728 --> 00:07:12,096
I think you should listen to
some of Miss Cardoza's ideas.

86
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:20,998
I wouldn't be here if I didn't
think I could help, Gary.

87
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:24,336
I think what you're
doing is great.

88
00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:27,575
The problem is the audience
hasn't figured you out yet.

89
00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:31,550
All you need is more time and
maybe a little help with some...

90
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,757
Just give me a try. If it
doesn't work, I'll walk away.

91
00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:39,552
Walk away now.

92
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:44,062
I'm not your enemy,
Gary. I'm not your sister.

93
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:50,263
<i>So, for that really big, huge,
monster-sized headache,</i>

94
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:51,896
<i>use new Noggin Relief.</i>

95
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,237
<i>You won't feel a thing, really.</i>

96
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,966
<i>This is KWMG, Lancaster.</i>

97
00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:02,010
<i>Welcome to</i> Grover's Graveyard.

98
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:05,052
<i>The show that gets you
up from six feet under.</i>

99
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,815
Oh, baby.

100
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:14,486
You are... You are so hot.

101
00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:18,327
I'm gonna take your shoe off
now. Is that okay? Can I do that?

102
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:19,457
Yeah.

103
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:24,128
Now, I think the stocking.

104
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:29,803
Yes, baby, you have got the
most beautiful legs I've ever seen,

105
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:32,277
but I bet you hear
that a lot, don't you?

106
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:37,977
- Gary?
- Yeah?

107
00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:44,581
You don't have to take my other
stocking off because it's already off.

108
00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:46,683
- What're you...
- In fact,

109
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,322
all I have on is this white,
silk, see-through dress.

110
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:53,893
Can't you see the shape
of my body through it?

111
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:59,102
I don't like underwear,
Gary. I find it too constricting.

112
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:04,610
I like to feel the nice, soft breeze
hum all over every part of me.

113
00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:08,580
Let me take my dress
off so you can look at me.

114
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,785
Do you like what you see?

115
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:20,726
Oh, yeah.

116
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:25,429
Let me feel what
I do to you, Gary.

117
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:30,069
Oh, my. Did I do that?

118
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:33,932
<i>What're you... Oh,
Gary, you're an animal.</i>

119
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:39,172
<i>This studio... I've never
even done it like this before.</i>

120
00:09:39,712 --> 00:09:43,240
<i>Oh, Gary, I just
can't resist you.</i>

121
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,512
<i>Take me, Gary. Faster...</i>

122
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,713
I'll take your calls
right after this message.

123
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:51,121
<i>Yes, I can take it. Give
me everything you've got.</i>

124
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:53,519
How was that?

125
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:57,460
Honey, I'm back.

126
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,163
Yes!

127
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:07,606
- Did you? You know...
- No. Did you?

128
00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:10,041
No.

129
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:17,882
That's right, Lancaster, it's
Bizarre Sex Act Thursday.

130
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:22,218
I don't know about you, but things here
in the studio are getting a little fluffy,

131
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,620
if you know what I'm saying.

132
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:26,018
Now, I wanna hear the
weirdest, the strangest,

133
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:29,460
the most unquestionably perverse
things that you've ever done.

134
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:34,558
And I wanna hear it now. I want it hot. I
want it nasty. Deal with it. Deal with it.

135
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:37,835
And, Mom, if you're listening,
I don't want to know about it.

136
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:39,897
Let's go to the
phones, shall we?

137
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:43,103
- You're on the air. Shock me.
<i>- Hi, Gary.</i>

138
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,477
Hi, baby. What
have you got for me?

139
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:47,640
What's the most bizarre
act you've ever done?

140
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:52,550
<i>Well, I'm doing it right now
while I'm listening to you.</i>

141
00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:54,815
<i>- Oh, it's so good.</i>
- Oh, you're kidding.

142
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:58,781
Well, I guess that would make you a
nasty little monkey woman, wouldn't it?

143
00:10:58,858 --> 00:10:59,858
<i>I guess so.</i>

144
00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:02,589
Yeah, it sure would. What do
you think I ought to do about that?

145
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,063
<i>I don't know. I could
come down to your studio</i>

146
00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:06,542
<i>and you could
spank me, if you want.</i>

147
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:07,590
Is that right?

148
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,535
<i>I live right nearby. I could be
there in just a few minutes...</i>

149
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:12,936
Mom, I told you
never to call me here!

150
00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:18,309
I'm Gary Grover
and we will continue.

151
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:21,178
I'll be right back.

152
00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:23,415
Sis.

153
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,281
Guess you won't be cutting
my time, after all, huh?

154
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:31,017
It's only been a week.
Don't flatter yourself.

155
00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:33,423
I want you to have
a wonderful night

156
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:36,053
in that nice little house
of yours, all by yourself.

157
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:38,862
Hey, why don't you
listen to the show?

158
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:42,897
It's the most exciting thing that
will ever creep into your bedroom.

159
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:49,833
Damn! Somebody
please hose me off.

160
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:56,182
You're feeling it, too, aren't
you? The chemistry, the heat.

161
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:02,585
Listen, this isn't really the...

162
00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:10,590
Oh, God, I love
having you in my head.

163
00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:12,825
Oh, God, I love being there.

164
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:22,000
<i>Hi, neighbors, Doctor
Hilla-va-drilla here</i>

165
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,509
<i>from the Lancaster
dental office.</i>

166
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:26,512
<i>When's the last time you opened
your mouth up nice and wide</i>

167
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,139
<i>and had somebody give
you their professional opinion?</i>

168
00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:33,084
<i>At the dental office, the inside of
your mouth is very important to us.</i>

169
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:36,899
So, Larry from Lancaster,
let me get this straight.

170
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,324
You tell me you have
a problem with the fact

171
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:42,556
that you came home and caught
your wife in bed with another woman.

172
00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:44,427
Is that what you told me?

173
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,693
<i>I've got a big problem
with that, but I figured,</i>

174
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,201
<i>if she's going to have an
affair, why couldn't it be normal?</i>

175
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,312
<i>You know, like,
with another man.</i>

176
00:12:50,336 --> 00:12:52,669
Let me tell you something, pal.

177
00:12:52,905 --> 00:12:55,739
You catch colon
cancer, that's a problem.

178
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:59,378
Your dog dies, it's your
best friend, that's a problem.

179
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,779
You catch your wife in bed with
another woman, not a problem.

180
00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:06,445
Know how many losers from Lancaster
would die to be in your shoes, Larry?

181
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,454
- Do you?
<i>- Oh, heck, my friends, they...</i>

182
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:11,047
You out of your mind?
Why didn't you jump in?

183
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,025
Grab the moment. Jump in there.

184
00:13:13,092 --> 00:13:15,118
You know what? You don't
even deserve to jump in.

185
00:13:15,194 --> 00:13:16,856
Here's what you do.
Send them down to me.

186
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:19,608
That's right, baby. Send them to
me. Me and Val will tighten them up.

187
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,211
We know what to do with nasty
little girls like that, don't we, Val?

188
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:23,646
<i>Oh, now, come on.
If you're trying to...</i>

189
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:25,510
You're a loser, Larry,
you always were a loser.

190
00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:27,335
Get off my radio station.

191
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:31,243
So, insomniacs, that
ends another evening

192
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:34,475
of the sexiest show you'll
ever see on the radio.

193
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:38,144
Those of you just
going off to work, suffer.

194
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:41,884
That was great.

195
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:46,052
- What's the matter?
- That was definitely cool.

196
00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:48,822
Thanks a lot.

197
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,764
I was talking to the chick.

198
00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:59,103
Don't get too comfy in
that drive time slot, buddy.

199
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,975
Val! Val, will you
wait a minute?

200
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,737
What's the matter?
Why'd you run outta there?

201
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:08,179
It's the show.

202
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:10,681
What is wrong with the
show? The show's great.

203
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:14,016
Next rating book that comes out, we'll
be ready to expand to the entire station.

204
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,886
- What's the problem?
- Not if we keep doing what we're doing.

205
00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:18,015
What're you talking about?

206
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:20,390
- All we ever talk about is sex.
- Yeah, so?

207
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:21,537
What's the problem with that?

208
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:22,705
That's what our
audience wants to hear.

209
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,561
No, that's all we give them.

210
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,030
- We're better than that.
- No.

211
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:28,796
You see, they want to forget
about their pathetic, impotent lives.

212
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,245
It's called escapism,
entertainment.

213
00:14:30,269 --> 00:14:32,431
- What’s the matter?
- Do you trust me?

214
00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:37,771
- Just take me home and find out.
- Jesus!

215
00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:38,903
Val!

216
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,276
Am I gonna see you later?

217
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,815
<i>Haven't gotten
any action lately?</i>

218
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,412
Okay, so, we'll start off with
the "Unfaithfully Yours" sketch.

219
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:52,254
Ought to get some juicy
confessions on that one.

220
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:55,989
About 2:30, I think we'll
go to "Fantastic Fetishes."

221
00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:04,470
Okay, let's say we did
talk about something else.

222
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,233
What, for instance,
might that be?

223
00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:07,905
You have a lot of
strong opinions, Gary.

224
00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,909
Why don't you say what
you feel for a change?

225
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:11,103
About what?

226
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:16,080
Hey, Lancaster, it's Gary
Grover. How're you'll doing?

227
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,149
Tonight...

228
00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:21,177
Tonight, I thought that...

229
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:25,155
I have something for you
that's gonna be a little...

230
00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:27,516
A little different.

231
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:31,440
I don't know about you,
but I've got a headache,

232
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:33,660
so I thought that
we might talk about...

233
00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:37,002
Come on.

234
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:46,078
Anger, let's talk about
anger for a minute.

235
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:49,311
Anger is a good thing.

236
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:54,820
Not that it's, you know, good
to be angry at someone but it's...

237
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:01,188
But sometimes there are things

238
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:03,491
in our lives that we
are legitimately angry

239
00:16:03,515 --> 00:16:05,823
about and if you don't
let that anger out...

240
00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:14,263
Let's talk about authority
figures, shall we?

241
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:18,801
I just can't stand anyone in this world
who has authority over me and abuses it.

242
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:24,080
You give some loser... A
loser! A uniform or a suit,

243
00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:28,652
and all of a sudden, they think they're
God, making our lives miserable. Why?

244
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:29,745
Because they can.

245
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,958
Have I ever told you
people about my mother?

246
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:48,735
My mother owned a lot
of radio stations in her day.

247
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:50,488
Not that I was ever
employed in any of them

248
00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,910
because, you see, she
didn't wanna spoil us.

249
00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:57,809
And when she died, what do you
think this loving, nurturing woman

250
00:16:57,884 --> 00:16:59,375
left me in her will?

251
00:17:00,152 --> 00:17:03,145
Her Chicago station? No.

252
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,223
Her Minneapolis station? No.

253
00:17:08,327 --> 00:17:13,766
All she left me was half
of her Lancaster station.

254
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:15,767
Half.

255
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:19,929
And do you know
why she did this?

256
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:23,871
Because after holding
me back my entire life,

257
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:29,505
she wanted to keep me under her
thumb from beyond the grave as well!

258
00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:36,013
Have you ever heard anything
more sick, anything more perverse?

259
00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:39,388
In spite of all her success,

260
00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:46,297
my mother was just a greedy,
hateful, wretched, old, shriveled up bitch!

261
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:50,961
I hope you're in hell, Mother,
because that's what you made my life!

262
00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:05,850
I'll be back right
after these words.

263
00:18:07,353 --> 00:18:09,652
Do you realize
what you just did?

264
00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:13,284
That was unbelievable.
That was better than sex.

265
00:18:14,126 --> 00:18:17,858
I am hereby giving you notice.
Tomorrow is your last show.

266
00:18:19,131 --> 00:18:21,225
You can't do that. Remember?

267
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:23,054
Christ, will you look
at those phone lines?

268
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,072
Our mother's will
was very, very specific.

269
00:18:26,238 --> 00:18:29,208
No one is to defame
her on the air, ever.

270
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,715
I'm the hottest
thing you got, baby.

271
00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:32,663
You couldn't get rid of
me even if you wanted to.

272
00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:33,873
Oh, you're finished.

273
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:36,313
All right, you wanna
get rid of me? Fine.

274
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:39,819
I don't need this place. I can get
a job in another station like that.

275
00:18:39,885 --> 00:18:42,878
Well, I'm not firing you.
I'm just taking you off the air,

276
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,981
and holding onto your contract.

277
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:50,295
No one else is gonna be
able to touch you for years.

278
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:58,665
You can't do that to me! I
won't let you do that to me!

279
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,783
- I'm sorry. This whole thing is my fault.
- It's not your fault.

280
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,366
Listen, she lives for vengeance.

281
00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:07,538
Ever since we were kids, she would
take the prize out of the box of cereal,

282
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:09,980
- or eat all the little tasty treats.
- But if I...

283
00:19:10,049 --> 00:19:14,419
Listen to me, what happened last night
was great radio. You heard the callers.

284
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:17,821
We are onto something and I'm
not gonna let my sister stop us.

285
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:19,256
She's got us.

286
00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:22,353
What are we going
to do? Kill her?

287
00:19:26,565 --> 00:19:28,534
That was a rhetorical question.

288
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:38,668
Give me your hands.

289
00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:45,447
I'm gonna put something
in your head for a change.

290
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,009
We won't get caught.

291
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,089
- We'll kill her while we're on the air.
- What?

292
00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:52,853
She's doing this to both
of us. Val, just hear me out.

293
00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:58,360
We'll pre-tape a segment,
say 20 minutes worth,

294
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:01,595
and around 1:30
we'll start rolling it.

295
00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:05,371
You'll drive me to Rita's
house. I know her house.

296
00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:08,306
<i>I'll go in the window and
make it look like a burglary.</i>

297
00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:10,936
<i>I'll go to her bedroom.</i>

298
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:15,940
<i>And while she's asleep,
I'll kill that little rat bitch.</i>

299
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:27,755
What do you say,
partner? For us.

300
00:20:32,198 --> 00:20:33,359
Let's do it.

301
00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:41,033
<i>Because planning
so many meals a week</i>

302
00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:42,551
<i>and trying to keep
my family satisfied</i>

303
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:43,575
<i>can be hard work.</i>

304
00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:47,276
<i>Mrs. Anderson discovered
the newly opened Kitchen Cove</i>

305
00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:49,008
<i>in downtown Lancaster.</i>

306
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,105
You ready?

307
00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:51,993
<i>It's great because it has all
sorts of things on the menu</i>

308
00:20:52,017 --> 00:20:54,350
<i>and everybody can
buy things that they like.</i>

309
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:58,653
<i>Even my son, he's a tough one.
He usually doesn't like anything.</i>

310
00:20:58,724 --> 00:21:01,717
<i>The Kitchen Cove,
at 609 Main Street.</i>

311
00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:11,327
<i>GARY: It's 1:28, Lancaster, and
we are back in</i> Grover's Graveyard.

312
00:21:11,403 --> 00:21:14,237
<i>I thought tonight we might stroll
down a different path than last night</i>

313
00:21:14,306 --> 00:21:16,298
<i>just lighten it up a
bit, what do you say?</i>

314
00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:19,106
<i>Let's talk about the crazy
things we have done for love.</i>

315
00:21:27,253 --> 00:21:30,553
- Be right back.
- Hey, be careful.

316
00:22:31,984 --> 00:22:35,216
Thanks for helping me
break in my new on-air talent.

317
00:22:35,287 --> 00:22:36,311
Rita?

318
00:22:36,388 --> 00:22:38,789
I wasn't too sure about
this self-defense thing,

319
00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:41,760
but Val's plan has worked
perfectly, right from the beginning.

320
00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:44,626
- Please.
- Hey, if it's any consolation,

321
00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:46,996
I think you finally
found an audience.

322
00:22:48,267 --> 00:22:51,431
- You might've been pretty good after all.
- Don't do this.

323
00:22:52,004 --> 00:22:55,441
- I'm your brother, for God's sake.
- An accident of birth.

324
00:22:55,908 --> 00:22:57,604
Give my love to mom.

325
00:23:10,055 --> 00:23:12,752
<i>You see, the problem
was I was nuts about her.</i>

326
00:23:12,825 --> 00:23:16,023
<i>And I was totally blinded
from seeing what a fool I was.</i>

327
00:23:16,528 --> 00:23:20,556
<i>I tell you, it's amazing sometimes,
what you'll do to close the deal.</i>

328
00:23:20,633 --> 00:23:25,833
<i>Folks, this is Valerie and
something awful has happened.</i>

329
00:23:27,306 --> 00:23:29,639
I just popped out for a sandwich

330
00:23:29,708 --> 00:23:32,234
and when I got back,
Gary wasn't here.

331
00:23:33,545 --> 00:23:35,639
But he left this tape playing.

332
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:42,878
I've just been notified by
the police that Gary is dead.

333
00:23:45,124 --> 00:23:46,752
He's been killed.

334
00:23:50,462 --> 00:23:51,862
It's just...

335
00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:59,594
I know that this is hard for me,

336
00:24:01,540 --> 00:24:05,602
and I'm sure it's
hard for all of us,

337
00:24:09,615 --> 00:24:11,641
but at least we have each other.

338
00:24:13,385 --> 00:24:15,217
And the phone lines are open.

339
00:24:23,462 --> 00:24:25,055
Hi, this is Val.

340
00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:27,725
<i>My gosh, Val, this is
such a terrible thing.</i>

341
00:24:28,467 --> 00:24:32,461
<i>I mean, all I can say is, I'm just so
glad we have you to talk to tonight.</i>

342
00:24:32,838 --> 00:24:35,672
<i>And I feel I can speak on
behalf of everyone here.</i>

343
00:24:36,241 --> 00:24:38,540
<i>People are gonna be
talking, let me tell you.</i>

344
00:24:38,610 --> 00:24:40,841
<i>We all loved the show so much...</i>

345
00:24:43,382 --> 00:24:44,714
Poor Gary!

346
00:24:44,917 --> 00:24:48,615
Talk about being
number one with a bullet!

347
00:24:50,689 --> 00:24:54,057
Looks like he'll be the
mourning man after all!

348
00:24:58,097 --> 00:25:03,229
As for me, kiddies, I guess I
better start practicing what I preach.

349
00:25:03,302 --> 00:25:07,262
I got caught going a little
fester than the speed limit.

350
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:10,776
But the officer decided to
let me off with a warning.

351
00:25:19,018 --> 00:25:22,887
See? It pays to know
the ghouls of the road.

352
00:25:58,991 --> 00:25:59,991
English -SDH